There's so much talk about values and so little time spent defining them. But once a family names its values, those words become something they can use in a hard decision, a tradeoff, or a conversation with the kids about what this family stands for.

Our first State of the Family report looks at what people value, where their energy goes, and what families want more of. The findings give us a reason to pause and ask how our own choices compare. They also give us somewhere to begin.

This annual field report draws on aggregated, anonymized activity inside Total Family from July 2025 through June 2026. Findings reflect Total Family users and are not intended to represent the general population.

Key takeaways

• Define your values. Decide what each one means and how you want to live it.

• Start small. Begin with a Milestone, a story, or the first lines of a Legacy Letter.

• Reach out to a friend, then make it a regular practice.

• Plan one meaningful thing to do together as a family.

Define your values, then decide what living them looks like

Inside Total Family, people start with 71 value words, narrow the list to 15, and choose five core values. No one can prioritize all 71. The choosing is where it gets useful.

What was the most common core value?

Faith was the most frequently selected personal core value, chosen by 29% of participants completing the Values exercise. You can explore the full values list in the report and ask: Which three would make your top five? Which value of yours is missing?

Your definition is the one that counts. The families we work with come from many different traditions. We often hear faith described as believing in something bigger than yourself, but each person defines it in their own words. The same is true of every value in Total Family.

Values help with decisions families are making now

One of the wealth firms we work with received a call from a client whose daughter was a senior in college with three job offers. The parents had done the Values exercise and wanted to know whether their daughter could do it, too. They thought it might help her decide which job to take.

That was one of the early signs for us that legacy work, which starts with values, was relevant to far more people than we'd assumed. Values can help with decisions families are making right now.

Start here: Start with the first word that comes to mind when you think about your personal values. Write it down, define what it means to you, and ask:

• What does this value look like on an ordinary Tuesday?

• What would someone see me doing if I lived it well?

• How should it shape a hard decision?

The goal is a value someone could see you living. Kids can define theirs, too. Share your values with the people closest to you and revisit them as life changes.

Start preserving your legacy while life is happening

In the report, 58% of people with a known age were between 35 and 54. These are often the years of carpools, careers, aging parents, and first family traditions. And these are the people choosing to write Legacy Letters, capture Milestones, and define their Values.

Waiting until you're 80 to try to write down everything you've ever thought can feel overwhelming. Legacy works best in small bursts over a long period of time: a story this month, a letter next year, a value you define now and revisit when your kids are older.

Becoming a parent, losing someone, moving, starting a new job, or watching a child leave home can bring these questions into focus. Those moments are good starting points. You don't have to wait for one.

In our experience, today's young people understand the importance of values intuitively. Picture a college freshman writing a letter to their parents before move-in day. We're confident legacy can be helpful to any family, at any age.

Start here: What's your favorite family tradition, and when did it start? Recording that story is one place to begin. Pick one Milestone or write the first few lines of a Legacy Letter to your parents, your kids, or a friend.

Today is the youngest you'll ever be.

Reach out to one friend

Inside Total Family, people choose their most important Roles and report how much energy each is taking right now. Career received more energy than any other role, averaging 33.1% among those who selected it.

Friend was among the five most important roles for 82% of participants. Among those who selected Friend, it received an average of 12% of their energy. Importance and energy are different measures, but seeing them together invites a useful question: Which role in your life deserves more energy than it's getting right now?

Robert Waldinger and Marc Schulz discuss social fitness in The Good Life. Relationships work like muscles. They need regular upkeep, and someone has to send the text, suggest the coffee, or call to check in after a hard week.

Friends bring joy, perspective, and plain human contact into our lives. This is one of the easiest findings in the report to act on: we can be the ones to reach out.

Start here: Think of one friend you haven't talked to in a while. Text them today and keep it simple:

"Thinking of you. Coffee soon?"

Then do it again next week with someone else.

We hope to see the energy people give to friendship grow in future editions of this report.

Put meaningful time together on the calendar

In Total Family's Family Vision, families choose what they most want to focus on in this chapter of life. Doing meaningful things together as a family was the leading priority. The two explicitly financial options ranked near the bottom.

Families want to stay close, communicate well, and grow as a strong family unit. Money is a tool: a resource families invest into the rest of their lives through education, experiences, care, generosity, and time together.

Start here: What lower-priority area is getting too much of your attention? Plan one thing to do together this week, whether that's dinner with no phones, a walk, or hearing a story from a grandparent.

Where families want more support

Many families we hear from want structured Family Meetings, a reason and a rhythm for being together. The report also identifies four areas where families want support:

• Stories from past generations

• Differing perspectives

• Important life conversations

• Traditions and rituals

Each can begin small. Record one story, ask one person how they see a family issue, name one topic the family has avoided, or protect one tradition by putting it on the calendar.

Legacy becomes real through repetition. The opportunity is to make the next meaningful practice easier to begin and easier to repeat.

A note for advisors

Clients often ask what other families are doing. Use the report's values list to begin a conversation:

"Which three of these would make your list?"

If a client has completed their Personal Vision, ask whether their adult children would like to do theirs. During check-ins, ask about the people in clients' lives as well as their financial plans.

These conversations can help build relationships with the next generation long before a transition. As more routine financial work becomes automated, helping families connect, define their values, and practice legacy becomes an important part of the support advisors provide.

Frequently asked questions about the State of the Family 2026 report

What is the State of the Family 2026 report?

It's Total Family's first annual field report. It draws on aggregated, anonymized activity inside Total Family from July 2025 through June 2026 and looks at what people value, where their energy goes, and what families want more of. Findings reflect Total Family users and aren't intended to represent the general population.

What was the most common core value in the report?

Faith was the most frequently selected personal core value, chosen by 29% of participants completing the Values exercise.

What do families most want to focus on?

Doing meaningful things together as a family was the leading priority in Family Vision. The two explicitly financial options ranked near the bottom.

How much energy do people give to friendship?

Friend was among the five most important roles for 82% of participants, but among those who selected it, Friend received an average of 12% of their energy. Career received the most energy, averaging 33.1% among those who selected it.

How can a family start legacy work?

Start small. Define one value, capture one Milestone, record one family story, or write the first few lines of a Legacy Letter. Legacy works best in small bursts over a long period of time.

Start with one conversation

Family is however you choose to define it. Choose one question from this article and share it with someone close to you. Compare your values, capture a story, or make a plan to spend time together.

Inside Total Family, you can define your Values, explore your Personal Vision or Family Vision, capture Milestones, and write Legacy Letters. If your responses helped shape this first report, thank you.

Explore the full State of the Family 2026 report for the findings, values list, and reflection questions. You can also download the PDF to keep or share.