Advisors can help clients preserve family stories between meetings by inviting one specific memory, letting the client choose how to capture it, agreeing on what may be shared, and returning to it during an existing review. The client does the recording or writing on their own time. The advisor helps give the activity a clear purpose and a manageable next step.

Key takeaways

• Invite one story connected to something the client already cares about.

• Agree on who will capture it, where it will be kept, and when to revisit it.

• Treat recording, saving, and sharing as separate choices.

• Follow up on the meaning the client wants understood, without requiring the full story.

How to invite a client to share a family story

Illustrative scenario: A client mentions that her father refused to sell the family business during a difficult year. You have discussed the business valuation many times. You have never heard that story.

Before moving to the next item, ask:

“Would you want your children to know why he made that decision?”

If she says yes, offer a small next step:

“Would you like to write a few paragraphs about it before our next review? You can decide afterward whether to share them.”

The invitation works because it follows something she has chosen to discuss. It does not require her to produce a family history or open a subject she would prefer to keep private.

The Library of Congress, in its 2020 family-story resource, encourages families to use oral history to learn from people who experienced events directly. A short recorded conversation is one possible format. A written note can serve the same immediate purpose when the client prefers it.

For the broader practice of noticing stories worth keeping, share our conversation with Matthew Dicks. The workflow here begins once a client has identified a story they want to preserve.

Use four steps between one review and the next

1. Invite a specific story and name the intended reader

Ask what someone in the family might understand better after hearing it.

A grandchild may know the business exists without knowing why it mattered to its founder. An adult daughter may have inherited a recipe without hearing who taught her mother to make it.

Ask:

“Who would you most want to understand this?”

Let the client name that person. Then agree on a modest output, such as a short letter or a few minutes of recorded recollection. Avoid turning a passing comment into a large assignment.

2. Let the client capture it in a comfortable format

The client can write, record a voice memo, or ask a willing relative to listen and take notes. In Total Family, they can also record a voice message directly in a Legacy Letter. Premium dictation turns spoken words into text for clients who would rather speak a first draft. If another person is being recorded, ask their permission first.

Offer a simple outline:

• What happened?

• Who was involved, and roughly when?

• Why did it matter to you?

• What would you like the reader to understand?

These questions are prompts, not a required form. The client can leave parts unanswered.

Agree on where the record will live. A note on a phone can be a first draft. A Legacy Letter in Total Family can give a longer personal message a place to be preserved; a Milestone can hold an event and its context. Match the format to what the person wants to keep.

For a firm considering how to offer this consistently, Why Most Legacy Services Don't Scale explains the broader service challenge.

3. Ask about sharing after the record exists

Someone may feel differently about sharing once they hear their own recording or read the finished note.

Ask separately whether the client wants to keep it for themselves, give it to a particular relative, discuss its meaning with the advisor, or share an approved excerpt.

“You don't need to send me the letter. At our next review, we can talk about what you noticed while writing it.”

In Total Family, the client can choose to share a Legacy Letter with a family member. Ask whom they want to receive it before sharing. Permission to share with that person does not authorize reading it aloud to a group, forwarding it, or adding it to an advisory record.

4. Return to the agreed activity during an existing review

Put a short follow-up beside the relevant planning item. Ask about the specific story rather than whether the client has completed “legacy work.”

“Did you get a chance to write about your father's decision? Was there anything you wanted us to understand differently?”

If they have not started, ask what made it difficult. They may need a smaller prompt, another format, or more time. They may also have decided the story should remain private.

If they have finished, ask what happens next. The answer may be to share it with a child, preserve it without wider circulation, or leave it as a first draft.

Our guide to how advisors can use family Milestones offers a related approach to following up when something changes in a family's life. For agenda placement, see Legacy Belongs in the Meeting.

Continuing the illustrative scenario: the story behind a business decision

The same client is now planning to sell the company her father founded. She worries that her children will hear the sale as a rejection of his work.

Before the next review, she writes a short message about the years he kept the business going and why selling now feels responsible to her. She chooses to share it with her children.

At the review, she tells the advisor that writing helped her distinguish preserving her father's example from preserving ownership forever. The advisor does not need the private letter to ask how that distinction should inform the next conversation.

How to start at your next client review

At your next review, listen for one decision or memory the client wants someone else to understand. Offer a small way to preserve it, confirm the sharing choices, and agree on when to return to it. Explore Total Family for tools that can support the family's continuing work.

Frequently asked questions

How do financial advisors capture client family stories?

Invite the client to preserve one story in their own words, using a format they choose. Agree on the intended audience and follow-up. The advisor can support the process without becoming the writer or collecting every private record.

What tools help advisors with family storytelling?

Written notes, recordings, and family legacy software can support different parts of the task. Total Family includes Milestones, Quotes, and Legacy Letters. Choose a tool according to what the family wants to preserve and confirm its current sharing settings.

How do I ask for a story without feeling intrusive?

Follow something the client has already raised. Explain why you think someone in the family might value it, then ask whether they want to preserve it. A refusal or change of subject should end the invitation.

Who should decide how a recorded story is shared?

The person contributing the story should be involved in deciding its audience and use. Ask permission before recording, forwarding, publishing, or placing personal material in an advisory record. Copyright or disputed ownership questions require separate advice.

Does this require another client meeting?

A small activity can happen between scheduled reviews, with a brief follow-up at the next one. If the family wants a larger project or a difficult conversation, discuss the time and support it needs separately.